Gratitude Practice 2021 Day 357: Time…and the Gift of Five Incredible Years
Today, I am grateful for time.
Grateful for the time freely given to weekends. It's always amazing to me how different the days of the week can feel. It's like our internal clocks just some how know the power of the weekend, the growing inertia of a Monday morning, the slow motion drudge of Wednesday afternoon and the free-ing victory of Friday at the close of business. Grateful for the rhythm of each passing week.
Grateful for the stillness of the early morning before the house is awake and all the tasks begin. And just as grateful for the end of the day quiet when the meals and the needs and the emails have finally rested. Grateful that each day has a clear beginning and a determined end.
Grateful for the seasons that are marked and celebrated from one big holiday to the next. This monthly progression is now much more important thanks to my vibrant kindergartener who is determined that each holiday is recognized in a big big way... complete with seasonal crafts, crowns, rituals, colorful glitter and a parade if I can swing it…she needs and wants it all.
Grateful that time really does heal all wounds. Grateful that time helps cool heads and warm hearts. Grateful that perspectives and perceptions and priorities can change and morph with...time. Grateful for kindred relationships that remain strong no matter how much time passes between the last connection point. Grateful for times of my life spent in different parts of the world….the highschool haunts, the college years, the single years, our newly married grad school blurr, the Dallas years, the new house years and now parenting in a pandemic. Each segment of time is flush with bright and bold and needed friends and companions who joined us in each exciting adventure. Each segment of time densely packed with both big exciting wins and colossal face planting failures. Each segment full of growth and grief and gratitude in equal meaningful measure. Each segment of time critical to the patchwork current version of me. Grateful for each iteration of me and for the kindness and generosity and patience of those who created and afforded me space to discover who and what and why I wanted and hoped to become and showed kindness when my bold arrogance got the best of me. Grateful for each segment of sacred human development...for all of the messy magical phases of time where I got to invent and reinvent myself and each time surrounded by the very best people and traveling companions. How have I been so lucky?
Grateful for the growth and healing that can only come with the passing of time. The older I get the more sure I become that some things, some loves, some learnings, some truths, some connections and reconnections...just take...time. Time to grow. Time to move. Time to pause. Time to end. Time to breath. Time to heal. Time to begin...again. Time to cure. Time to soften. Time to season. Time to settle. Time to understand. Time to both value and re-evaluate. Time to prepare. Time to ponder. Time to consider. Time to reflect. Time to forgive. Time to seek forgiveness. Time to redo and repeat. Time to repent. Time to remember. Grateful for the benevolent gift of...time. Grateful for the big benchmarks that measure time. These anniversaries, some card and cake worthy and the others that slowly creep from the shadows despite our best efforts, can be both happy and harrowing and again it seems that so much human growth is measured and connected and becomes significant with the passing of time.
Today marks five years since my mom died. Five years is a whole lot of years. This segment of time is easily marked for me with the growth and development of my Sarah Kate. In the span of nine emotional months, I both became a mother and buried my mother and it's taken a whole lot of time for my heart and mind to really make sense of my time spent squarely in this unique intersection of motherhood and femininity. So much grief and just as much growth packed into this critical time of my life. Everyday, I am grateful for the time I have been given to learn and love bouncing between these two dynamic women. Grateful for the time I had as her daughter. Grateful for the time I have now as her Mama. The time I spent as her daughter has everything to do with the way and the how and the why I spent time as her mother. Those roles, forever intwined and me balancing time between them. Grateful for the way that time….and nothing but time…has helped me understand, value, reconcile, and engage with these two sacred roles. Five years without my Mom and now five years and a bit now being her Mom. Time. My time balancing the various role in-between these two women has changed me fundamentally to my core and for the better. This easily measurable segment of time has changed and healed my heart in ways I did not think possible. This sacred time connected to the lowest of lows and the highest of highs IS THE gift. This time. These five sacred years of growth and grief and gratitude...I am beyond grateful for the ultimate gift of time.