Gratitude Practice 2020 Day 330: Clarity and Convictions

Grateful to be at this point of the sacred sifting process. Grateful to have been broken open and for the new life that is now growing in most aspects of my life.

Grateful for all that has changed and all that has remained the same this year. May we both go back and never return all at the same time.

Grateful for the pushing, for the pressure, for the persistence, and for the new perspectives acquired this year.

Grateful for the new ways I have come to see and understand the world and my place in it. Grateful for my developing understanding of and desire for greater self-awareness.

Grateful for what I have come to identify as "The Liz Dial." Like an old school graphic equalizer component of a stereo system purchased at the nearby Radio Shack, this year has taught me how to visualize the intensity of the experience or exchange and carefully and strategically choose my response accordingly. Emotional regulation equals true life goals for this forever big feeling late bloomer. Grateful for a year that has provided ample opportunities to be more aware of how much "Liz" I want to apply at any given time to any given situation. Sometimes a 200 hertz Liz response is best and other times 20,000 hertz Liz level action is better...but most of the time somewhere in the middle creates the emotional sweet spot. Grateful to be honing in and learning how I want to respond to create the best level of balance possible. Grateful to be learning how to dial up and dial myself down.

Grateful for an impressive and informative collection of really really crappy days, hard conversations, difficult exchanges, facepalm projects and trying situations. Grateful for these refining frustrations and disappointments as they have become powerful teachers. I keep saying to myself..."Well, this IS my first global pandemic. I've never worked...lived...loved...communicated... parented...worshiped...or existed...in this kind of relentless and challenging environment before. Whew! This learning curve sure is steep and this whiplash sure is taking its toll...but I've got to keep trying and revising and rebounding and redesigning and reviewing because that is what humans do. And just you wait, world. Next time...just watch how much better I do...work...love... live... communicate...parent...worship next time the whole damned world goes sideways...just you wait!" Grateful to realize that NONE of us have experienced this kind of life challenge before and this stretching is absolutely personal AND collective AND down right shitty. We are each a walking triumph AND a walking tragedy and we are equal contribute-rs

to this new narrative. Grateful this year is constantly reminding me that we are all just doing the best we can, that we are far more resilient than we think and that we are all mid-conquer...it's bound to be bloody and messy and little mayhem-ish at times. Grateful for low expectations and high boundaries. Everything little things will eventually be alright. Grateful to have put this little mental pep talk on constant repeat.

Grateful for the time to sit with the uncontrollable and the uncomfortable as it's revealed so much that I was unable or unwilling to process before. I may not like it. I certainly did not invite or welcome it BUT the growth I've experienced this year has been extraordinary.

Grateful for the forgiving and patient people whose kindness and charity for me this year has filled holes and bridged gaps….some holes and gaps I did not even realize existed. Grateful for the generous application of grace and slack that has been gifted day after day after day.

Grateful for the Divine...and for the Divinity...that I now see far more quickly and clearly.

And mostly grateful for how this year has lazer-ed my focus on what and who really matters most....and that is absolutely every time without question my little family. Tonight and all nights, grateful for Burke M Rich , for my Sarah Kate...and for me. For the perfectly imperfect combination that we are and for the home and safety and connection we share. This year has helped me love each of them differently, deeper and in more determined ways.

Grateful for this clarity and these new convictions all born inside adversity and seasoned with time and relentless intensity. Grateful to move the calendar to the next year and ready to keep walking forward.