Gratitude Practice 2022 Nov: Homemade Bread and More Knowledgeable Others

For most of my adult life, I was plagued by a deep seeded fear of…yeast. I've loved bread for as long as I can remember. White or wheat. Bagel or bun. I love them all but for years was puzzled and paralyzed by the idea of successfully baking a loaf myself. It may seem silly but when the recipe reads …"add a tablespoon of yeast to warm water"...I threw up my hands with endless questions. What is "warm water" actually? Like, really? Warm to one person may be scalding to another. Should I get a thermometer? Is from the tap, okay? Or do I need to boil or microwave first?  How warm is warm? Uggg. Another puzzler…"let dough rise." Like…how much time? How much rise is needed? And don't even get me started on "knead the dough!" Kneading???...What? How? Really needed or just a fun option for the culinary over-achievers? Either way, for years the idea of kneading anything was a truly intimidating concept. It was the yeast. It was the warm water. It was the kneading. All of it confusing. All of them troublesome for me for years…that is until my first semester of graduate school. 

Part of pursuing an advanced degree in education includes a deep dive into the learning process all humans experience. In our first semester and on the first day of class, the professor announced that the bulk of our assignments and our final grade would be centered around a topic of our choice. Huh? We were challenged to identify "something"…"anything"…"a thing"…"a skill"…we had always wanted to learn but never had the chance or confidence or allotted time or energy to do so. We were also challenged to learn something we considered to be "hard." Ugg. And for the length of the semester and in place of our expected weekly assignments we were to learn "that thing" and journal about the overall experience. Our final grade would be determined by our ability to demonstrate mastery in front of the class at the conclusion of the semester. In addition, our weekly in-class discussions would be focused on various educational philosophies and learning theories. What had I signed-up for? It took exactly four seconds for me to realize that graduate school was providing an unexpected opportunity for me to face my culinary arch nemesis…yeast and homemade bread. Inset giant gulp here. 

About a week into the semester, we were introduced to a learning theory made famous by Lev Vygotsky which states humans learn best when provided a personalized scaffolding, clear targets and generous feedback from a "More Knowledgeable Other" aka MKO. As I spent time combing through an embarrassing number of cookbooks and assembling a series of bread recipes I had always wanted to conquer, I realized it was time to identify a bread baking MKO.  Applying Vygotsky time tested theory to practical application made all of the difference. 

Today, I'm grateful for my bread baking MKO's…my mother-in-law, Melinda Rich, and my brother-in-law, Ben Rich. Grateful for their endless patience with me as I asked about fifty billion questions. Grateful for lots of conversations about how gluten is both created and killed, the impact different types of flour can have on the end product, the risky role salt plays, and how to actually determine what "warm water" means. Week after week, these two loving MKOs kindly stood next to me and my trusty KitchenAid as I watched simple ingredients morph and change from questionable lumps of dough to warm yummy loaf of homemade bread. Incredible! They taught me how to knead. They kindly demonstrated well practiced techniques showing me how to use just enough muscle and just enough flour and for just enough time and most importantly how to confidently know when to stop. They taught me how to determine the perfect level of rise and bake and in time encouraged me to venture into adding a few fun extras once they determined I had successfully mastered the basics. Talk about scaffolding!!!! As the semester progressed, Ben and Melinda joined me in celebrating a series of successful bakes and I will be forever grateful. 

I've been thinking alot lately about the process of facing fears, and mastering hard things, and building new coping skills and baking bread. Grateful for the various MKO's who are currently coaching, teaching and mentoring me through a series of challenges way way way more intimidating than my initial fear of yeast and kneading dough. Grateful for the various people and processes and circumstances. Grateful for the overall messy dynamic learning adventure of being human. Oooaaff! Sometimes facing the hard…is just plain hard. Grateful for frustration and fear and failure and how more often than not in time they are replaced with new strengths and new perspectives and new scared skill sets. Grateful to better understand the need for metaphorical yeast…the life stuff that is actually needed to achieve lift, and rise and personal expansion. 

Grateful for the time it's currently taking for newness to rise up inside of me. Slowly…ever so slowly…it's happening. Grateful to better understand how I can control and determine the right level and degree and temperature…in my head and heart and world. I think I'm starting to understand the metaphorical "warm water" and how to locate it. Grateful for the process of personally kneading through life details and beliefs and perspectives. This whole kneading process is both critical and no joke.  I'm learning (slowly) my personal process and the need of proper mixing…repetition, routines, and rituals…just enough muscle…for just enough time and I think I'm learning how to stop when needed. Grateful that today, on a cold and drizzly November afternoon, I can confidently bake, both an actual AND metaphorical, "loaf of homemade bread" that my family will enjoy for days to come.